Clergy & Conflict: What are We So Afraid Of?
A few years ago, I remember bracing myself for a church board meeting, stressing about this meeting for several days leading up to it.
You probably know the kind of meeting I am talking about: the one that causes the kind of stressful dreams where you are standing at the pulpit on a Sunday morning, and you just realized that you forgot to write a sermon, and for some reason, your teeth are falling out, and you also forgot to wear pants.
Why was I so worried about this meeting?
This was the meeting where we decided what colour the new chairs for our sanctuary would be.
A decade later, it seems silly to have been so worried over such a decision. In the end, we unanimously agreed on the spot to get burgundy chairs. The entire conversation took less than five minutes! But as a young pastor who was still fairly new to being a lead pastor, I had heard the horror stories of churches splitting over less—"We do too many hymns. We don’t do enough hymns. The pastor preaches too long. The pastor doesn’t preach long enough. Is it actually appropriate to bring deviled eggs to the church potluck?” (Okay, I may have made that last one up, but let’s be honest, it’s kind of believable, isn’t it?)
At the heart of it, most of us don’t like conflict.
Hopefully, you’re not actually afraid of it like I was, but no matter how good you are at dealing with conflict, it’s never pleasant. Churches and people often have much bigger, more important things that they disagree on, so perhaps this is why the “smaller” squabbles can seem so discouraging. In a world where theology, ideologies, politics, values, and opinions collide, there are just so many things that can cause conflict—why add interior design to the list?
Avoiding conflict doesn't make it go away
Many churches and pastors practice conflict avoidance, but that doesn't make it go away. In fact, avoiding conflict can often escalate the situation and lead to even more problems down the road.
The Hartford Institute for Religion Research (HIRR, 2023) found that 61% of American churches reported conflict in the past year, and 30% had conflict serious enough to result in people leaving the church. I suspect that many of those churches also attempted to avoid conflict.
Unfortunately, research has shown that clergy who tend toward an avoidant conflict management style have higher rates of burnout (Beebe, 2007; Jackson-Jordan, 2013). This makes sense—avoiding a problem does not usually make it go away, and the problem may be even bigger by the time we come around to address it. When we consider that polarization and political animosity are increasing in North America (Geiger, 2017; Hiemstra, 2024; Johnston, 2023; Merkley, 2022), the fact is that most pastors are likely to face unavoidable conflict in their churches at some point. Therefore, the way we handle conflict as pastors is more important than ever.
Rahim (1983) developed a model with five different conflict management styles, which you can see in Figure 1 (Rahim, 1983, p. 369) below: Integrating, Dominating, Compromising, Obliging, and Avoiding. As you can see, concern for others and concern for self are the two metrics to consider in conflict management style.
Consider for a moment the theological implications of Scriptures like Hebrews 12:1, Philippians 2:3-5, and Matthew 16:24 and what they teach us about self-sacrifice and placing others first. Then, as you look at Figure 1 again, it is not difficult to see why so many clergy have either an avoidant or an obliging conflict management style.
The trouble here is that an obliging conflict management style is also associated with higher burnout rates for clergy (Beebe, 2007; Jackson-Jordan, 2013). The result can be alarming—Joynt (2018) found that conflict in churches has been causing some clergy to question their calling and leave vocational ministry altogether.
So, what should pastors do when they experience conflict in their churches?
Theological institutions that train clergy can help them by including conflict management as part of training for future clergy. Clergy who have observed the temperature of our cultural climate may recognize some signs that conflict in churches might get worse before it gets better.
These clergy may find it helpful to pursue further conflict management training. For those interested, at the time of writing, Briercrest Seminary has upcoming graduate courses on “Change, Power, and Conflict Management” and “Creative Problem Solving and Polarity Management” (Briercrest Seminary Programs and Academics, n.d.).
Second, it is helpful to identify what kind of conflict management style you typically rely on.
Clergy must not be afraid of conflict. Some clergy need to hear that it is okay to have a high concern for yourself in addition to your high concern for others when you face conflict. After all, God has called you to your position of leadership for a reason—you play a vitally important role in handling the conflict. This doesn’t make you a selfish person—it is perfectly legitimate and normal to disagree with people.
Returning to my story at the beginning, I needed to learn that I would be okay even if I had a conflict with someone—that it was okay for them to disagree with me.
On the other hand, perhaps you find yourself at the other end of the spectrum, and conflict becomes about winning and getting your way because that’s what has been necessary to survive as a leader. Sometimes, we need to be reminded that the way we handle conflict is often more important than the actual conflict itself.
Whatever your conflict management style is, sometimes the root of why we handle conflict the way that we do has less to do with our theology than we might like to admit.
This leads to our third suggestion: some of us need a revised, more Biblical theology of conflict.
Hugh Halverstadt (1991) talked about this issue in his book Managing Church Conflict. He argued that most people approach conflict with more of a “gut theology” (Halverstadt, 1991, p. 22) of conflict that is more influenced by the way their family handled conflict growing up and less influenced by the Bible.
It can be helpful to reflect on our assumptions about conflict and where those assumptions come from. For clergy whose family of origin was full of conflict or who did not handle conflict well, it might be helpful to discuss this with a counsellor who can help them explore what wells up within them when they face conflict.
If you are in co-vocational ministry, I invite you to connect with Co-Vocational Canada to access complimentary counselling, coaching, and resources designed to support you through the challenges of ministry.
References:
Beebe, R. S. (2007). Predicting Burnout, Conflict Management Style, and Turnover Among Clergy. Journal of Career Assessment, 15 (2), 257–275. Academic Search Complete.
Geiger, A. (2017, October 5). The Partisan Divide on Political Values Grows Even Wider. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2017/10/05/the-partisan-divide-on-political-values-grows-even-wider
Halverstadt, H. F. (1991). Managing Church Conflict: Vol. 1st ed. Westminster John Knox Press; eBook Collection (EBSCOhost). https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=nlebk&AN=41239&site=ehost-live
Hartford Institute for Religion Research. (2023, August). Back to Normal? The Mixed Messages of Congregational Recovery Coming Out of the Pandemic. Exploring the Pandemic Impact on Congregations. https://www.covidreligionresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/Epic-4-2.pdf
Hiemstra, R. (2024). Evangelicals, the Authentic Self, and Polarization in Canada. Consensus, 45 (1), 3.
Jackson-Jordan, E. A. (2013). Clergy burnout and resilience: A review of the literature. The Journal of Pastoral Care & Counseling, 67 (1). Atla Religion Database with AtlaSerials. https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=rfh&AN=ATLA0001965007&site=ehost-live
Johnston, R. (2023). Affective Polarization in the Canadian Party System, 1988–2021. Canadian Journal of Political Science, 56 (2), 372–395. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0008423923000112
Joynt, S. (2018). Exodus of clergy:‘When the fight is just not worth it anymore’–The role of conflict in responding to the call. In Die Skriflig, 52 (1), 1–9.
Merkley, E. (2022). Polarization eh? Ideological divergence and partisan sorting in the Canadian mass public. Public Opinion Quarterly, 86 (4), 932–943.
